Play Date

Celebrating the Inner Child with the Four of Wands

The Four of Wands of the tarot speaks to the relationship between stability and flow. The Inner Child longs for time to play and relax, yet their joyful voice is often drowned out by the noise of societal demands to work, work, work. The Four of Wands, however, encourages us to put down our work and prioritize play. During a Play Date, we create space to reconnect with and celebrate the Child Inside. When we honor our Inner Child, we cultivate a deeper appreciation for the playful spirit within, and the joy it brings to our world.

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I love the concept of a Play Date— a date made for play, as simple as that. As an adult, I’ve grown a bit disillusioned with the term ‘hanging out.’ What does that even mean? What are we actually doing?

Over the past few years, I’ve built a close bond with my Inner Child, or the ‘Child Inside’ as I sometimes call them. We’ve gotten to know each other better mostly by spending quality time together — what I like to call a Play Date.

The concept of a Play Date with the Inner Child was inspired by Julia Cameron’s concept of the ‘Artist Date’ from her book The Artist’s Way. Cameron describes the Artist’s Date as “a once-weekly, festive, solo expedition to explore something that interests you.” These Play Dates function similarly: a date to cultivate a deeper connection with the playful aspects of self.

Having this time set aside is a comfort to my Inner Child, who begs for play. They are curious about the world around them and their place in it. They want to explore free from judgment.

This time is also a comfort to my Adult Mind. I’m happy to temporarily set aside my grown-up worries and responsibilities, knowing that I will come back to them when I feel refreshed and ready.

My Inner Child loves the color yellow

I’ve learned that the Child Inside is less concerned with social norms or expectations and is more focused on living authentically. They guide me towards the people, places and things that feel exciting, comforting and true.

They’ve broadened my definition of success; I now see a successful life as one that includes plenty of time for rest, relaxation, and recreation.

Traditionally depicted as a wedding, the Four of Wands represents the marriage between stability and flow: where structure and spontaneity meet. The card also declares a celebration is in order!

When we celebrate the Child Inside of us, we begin to recognize and appreciate our own playful nature.

Recently, I’d been trapped in a cycle of overwork. Life had begun to feel dull and meaningless. My Inner Child, who I’ve named Little Lee, was very upset with me. Whenever I pictured Little Lee by my side, they were tired, cranky and bored. They begged for play and, like a busy parent, I tuned them out. Little Lee did not like this — they felt neglected and hurt. I hated to see them so deflated. I decided that in order to lift their spirits, they needed to be celebrated. I’d need to give them my undivided attention. It was a time for a Play Date!

I opened my closet and let Little Lee dress me for the day. They wanted to style my bangs with zebra print clips. Next, they chose a big, soft T-shirt and cut off shorts. Frilly socks and scruffy boots. I was surprised and delighted by their choices. It turns out they don’t care much for matching; They’re more interested in contrast. I packed my bag for the day with enough to keep us busy: a picnic blanket, watercolors, an apple and a book. I filled my pockets with crystals and stones, as per their request.

We set off on our Play Date. I imagined them by my side, brimming with excitement.

I found a quiet spot in Brooklyn Bridge Park, where I set down my blanket and took off my shoes. I felt the grass on my feet and watched the ants crawl up my arm. The clouds were fluffy and bright overhead. A warm breeze nuzzled my cheek. I put my phone on Do Not Disturb and turned my attention to the Child Inside. They told me they wanted to paint — to make art just for the sake of it.

Dressed in the mismatched outfit they picked out

In Playing & Reality, Psychologist Paul Winnicott says, “It is in playing and only in playing that the individual child or adult is able to be creative and to use the whole personality, and it is only in being creative that the individual discovers the self.”

I feel most alive at play. When I am in flow, I recognize the core essence of who I am: perfectly imperfect. When we are playing we aren’t proving ourselves, we are exploring our potential.

I went on to buy myself an ice cream cone and bought a ticket to ride the carousel. I felt like a fool, strapping myself on to the plastic horse surrounded by parents and toddlers. While I felt embarrassed, I also felt free. I raised my hands in the air as the automated horse glided up and down. I smiled at the adults standing next to the carousel. In the glow of the summer sun, I could see their Inner Children too, standing beside them, expectant and gleeful.

Scenes from the park

Play is the way — the path home to ourselves. Life feels cold without it and that’s when we need a spark. Health and science journalist, Catherine Price has come up with an acronym SPARK, a framework, for finding the playful and connected flow that allows for true fun. SPARK stands for making Space, pursuing Passions, Attracting fun, Rebelling and Keeping at it. I find this framework helpful for remembering the essential components in True Fun. I see a connection to the Wands of the tarot here too. Ruled by the element of Fire, the Wands represent our creative energy, passions and spirit: The spark of life.

Numerologically, the Four in the Four of Wands corresponds to the Fourth card in the Major Arcana: The Emperor. The card of the Emperor provides stability through structure. We see here there that structure and playfulness are not at odds — they can and should work together. The shadow of the Emperor is an obsession with control.

While I think a plan is essential for getting things in motion, I think it can also stifle if it does not leave room for possibility.

Sometimes children start a game of pretend and spend the entire afternoon in that imaginary world. Other times, they abandon the game entirely and try something else. They move according to instinct and desire. I find that the best Play Dates do require some organization: a day marked on the calendar, a destination to visit and an activity outlined. However, it’s important to leave room for spontaneity, wiggle room, if you will.

When we recognize that play and relaxation provide both freedom and stability, we challenge capitalist ideas of success and security. Play is revelatory in this way. In an article for Yes Magazine, adrienne maree brown writes about feeling good. She says:

“Feeling good is not frivolous, it is a measure of freedom—not just the physical freedom of the body to pursue the pleasures of the flesh, but also the mental, emotional, and spiritual freedom to feel content, happy, and present in our brief and potent lives.”

Play exercises our imagination and imagination is key for any kind of transformative change. The world is rampant with injustice and corruption. Our playful and sensitive sides are always precious and valuable, especially in challenging times like these. The Child Inside urges us to reject what is restrictive and harmful. They encourage us to engage with the world with resilient optimism and a spirit of determined discovery.

The Inner Child deserves a bright future.

So, dear readers, thoughtful listeners, where would you take your Inner Child for a Play Date?

Wherever you go and whatever you do, I hope it feels playful and I hope it feels true.

Tending to the fire