Break Down to Break Through

Exploring the relationship between chaos and creation with the Tower

The Tower of the Tarot symbolizes sudden change, upheaval, chaos and insight. Lightning strikes the fortress that we’ve spent years building only for it to come crashing down in seconds. The Tower teaches us that what is built on a faulty foundation, will eventually collapse. We are released from our self constructed egoic prisons. In the wake of destruction, we are left with infinite possibility.

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As someone who is prone towards control seeking behavior, I welcome the Tower’s medicine. This card has become a companion. I pull it almost weekly. The Tower is closely connected to the concept of Chaos.

Fractal Foundation says that chaos “explores the transitions between order and disorder and often occurs in surprising ways.” After all, our universe began with an explosion, a big bang, creation born of chaos.

I am learning more about the relationship between chaos theory and fractals. adrienne maree brown discusses fractals in their book Emergent Strategy, which they define as “infinitely complex patterns that are self-similar across different scales.” Fractals are visual representations of chaos and are found throughout nature: in plants, rivers, mountains and lightning. Fractals show us that who we are on a micro scale is really who we are on a macro scale. If our behaviors, thought patterns or belief systems are not in alignment with our soul purpose, the Tower will come to tear them down so that we may live in better alignment.

Fractal Patterns found in ferns

A couple of years ago, I experienced my largest tower moment to date: a life-altering car accident. While at first the accident seemed a catastrophe, and it was, I now see that it was also the impetus for my spiritual awakening.

Three of my high school friends and I were upstate for a relaxing weekend away. It was early January and we’d planned to go skiing, play board games and make cocktails from a big batch of margarita mix. I was looking forward to unwinding in good company. The snow was heavy that day, falling in clumps from the sky and coating the ground. It felt like we inside of a snow globe. We had settled into our airbnb and decided to grab some groceries for dinner. We made a list of ingredients and set off on the road.

The four of us piled into the Honda CR-V. There were two cardboard signs hanging on twine, slung over the back of the front seats. “SEATBELTS ON” the signs read in all capital letters.

I laughed and pointed, “What’s this all about?”

“Oh, my mom doesn’t want to lose points if we’re not wearing seatbelts,” Tiffany replied, inserting the key in the ignition.

Darkness had set in and the snow was falling heavily now. The visibility was low and it was hard to see anything outside of the windshield. I could feel fear creeping in, hanging in the air above our heads. We started to talk, trying to put each other at ease. Randomly, we started talking about God and our relationship to spirituality. In the last year, Tiffany had started going to church and found that it had given her a sense community and connection. Rebecca was exploring occult practices. Victoria had become increasingly interested in plant medicine. I didn’t have much to contribute to the conversation. I hadn’t ever identified as spiritual and felt especially disconnected in that moment.

I knew very little about driving or ideal driving conditions, but I could tell that our journey to the grocery store was becoming treacherous. There was little visibility outside the front windshield. I felt the buzzing friction from the tires hitting the roadway median.

“Should…Should we turn around and go home?” Tiffany asked quietly. No one answered. A few minutes passed as we rode on through the blizzard.

Suddenly, a cry from the front seat.

“I can’t break! I can’t break! I don’t have control of the wheel!!!”

We were racing towards a gas station. Fluorescent light pierced through the snowfall and shone in through the car windows. I felt my whole body sink, preparing for the worst. We were thrust forward and down, plunging into a snowy ditch.

“We’re flipping, we’re flipping.” Rebecca reported from the passenger seat.

“Are you okay?! Are you all okay?!” Victoria checked in with us in real time.

The rear of the car circled up and over. We landed with a SSSMASHHH. I heard glass shatter on all sides of the vehicle, followed by an excruciating silence. We hung upside down, held in suspension by the seatbelts like acrobats tied in silks.

“Is everyone o-oh-oh-okay??? I choked. We all confirmed that we were alive. No one had been injured — not even a scratch. I opened the door to the car and felt my foot plunge into the icy snow. We helped each other out of the vehicle and the clerk from the gas station ran out to assist us.

“You’re lucky for that ditch.” He told us, cupping his palms together, “It held ya like a pair of hands.”

I felt my whole body flood with chills, like we were surrounded by angels.

Scenes from the accident

As traumatic as the accident was, we were lucky to emerge ultimately unscathed. We felt the waves of shock over the next couple of days as we processed what had happened, especially Tiffany whose car was damaged beyond repair. When I returned home after the trip, the first thing I did was order myself a deck of oracle cards: The Wild Unknown Archetypes Deck by Kim Krans. I had this newfound desire to build a relationship with a higher power. It was as if some sort of cosmic magnet was pulling me towards greater meaning and purpose.

Tarot Artist and Author, Monica Bodirsky renames the Tower card Epiphany in the Awakening Tarot Deck. In the deck’s guidebook she lists other key words associated with the card: revelation, vision, enlightenment, unexpected, shock. She also includes a message: “Some surprising or shocking insights may occur to you about your identity or purpose.”

There is emerging research around the connection between near death experiences and an increase in spirituality. I can personally attest to this connection. I can’t imagine life now without tarot or a desire to commune with spirit guides, angels and ancestors. My spiritual practices are at the core of who I am now and what I want to build my life around.

When we kiss death, whether literal or metaphoric, we also kiss the divine. We are offered a taste of what lies beyond. The living realm is infused with mystic meaning. Like the light that shone in through the windshield, light shines through the veil between worlds.

A glimpse at the beyond through the veil of clouds

Amanda Yates Garcia calls the Tower’s energy a “radical rupture.” This card is ruled by the energy of the planet Mars, a planet connected to drive and destruction. The United States of America, and all imperialist nations, are due for their Tower moment. Nations that rely on subjugation and exploitation will face a necessary and radical rupture.

Any and all structures must be built atop stable foundations of equity and care otherwise they will fall — and they must.

We cannot predict how and when a Tower will collapse. We cannot compromise or reason with this archetype’s destructive energies; The Tower comes in to tear down our human-made construction of reality. After a tower falls, and the dust settles, we see our surroundings more clearly. We are given the opportunity to rebuild with newfound understanding and great potential.